The Outlet Detector

Have you ever had a person in your life who literally thrived on playing the blame game? You know the ones that are constantly belly aching that it’s your fault? Then you actually believe them, so you play the game of fixing all of their problems! You become the rescuer? I did! I didn’t realize it at the time of course because that is a life lesson that I was working on mastering and boy did we play a good game together! We danced in victim consciousness together creating disaster after disaster for ten years! He created, I rescued! He created, I rescued! Then one day he got himself in another situation (and of course this was all my fault!) I was so sick and tired of continually putting forth all my energy into fixing his problems that I threw in the towel. I quit. That’s the day the light bulb came on! I realized that I was not allowing him to take responsibility for his own life. I was doing him the worst service possible. I was dis-empowering him! I was taking his power away by fixing all his problems not to mention dis-empowering myself! That’s the day I gladly, and I mean gladly, handed him his life back on a gold lined platter! Ahh to peace once again!

Blamers are people that refuse to take any kind of responsibility for their own lives. When things go wrong in their life they tend to blame other people. Whether something goes wrong at home, work or school they try to find someone else to blame. I have found they tend to blame those that love them the most. Why? Because these will be the first people to ‘fix’ their problems and become their rescuers. Blamers will rarely admit to their own problems. Typically the statements you will hear from them are “It wasn’t my fault.” “How was I suppose to know?” “It’s your fault.” etc. Their dialogue usually goes something like this. “If only you had done something differently, then I wouldn’t be in the predicament that I’m in. It’s your fault.”

By blaming other people for the problems in their life, they become powerless to change anything. Their thoughts hold them in victim consciousness. They believe and hold thoughts of:

• I cannot change my life.
• I am a victim of circumstance.
• I am a victim of my past.
• Life is hard.
• There is always more work to be done.
• Plus numerous other ones.

In order to move past this, they must begin to think differently. They must change themselves. We all know by now, that we can’t change anyone but ourself, right? We can’t change the blamer, we can only work on changing ourself and our reaction to the blamer. I learnt that I needed to stop being the rescuer! We know it’s not our fault, so no more fixing it! How far are you willing to sacrifice yourself for someone else’s problem? That’s a tough question, but how low will you go? Take a tough love stance and let them take responsibility for their own life. They created it. They need to learn whatever it is that they have created so let them experience it themselves! If this is a spouse or child, it’s even harder because nine times out of ten, the problem effects your marriage and your family. I’m certainly not saying this is going to be a walk in the park! It isn’t easy but you have to stand your ground the second they present their next problem to you. Ask them what ‘they’ are going to do about ‘their’ problem. A temper tantrum will likely ensue, leave the room if you have to and don’t send negative energy back into the cycle! Come back to it after they have completed their dramatic hissy fit. This is an excellent opportunity for you to learn the limits on your boundaries and also stretch your compassionate detachment muscles! All very empowering tasks and ones that will bring empowerment knocking on your door.

Knowing beforehand that this is a repetitive cycle where both people are getting their desired energy fix, will make it easier to remain de-attached to the blamers problem. Why? Because now you as the rescuer will be taking responsibility for your part in the game! The blamers gets satisfaction for not taking responsibility for their life along with the boost of power and control they feel they have over you when you do fix their problem. The rescuer gets satisfaction for being the hero and solving the problem.

If you are at the point now in your life of rolling your eyeballs in disgust because here comes another problem to be fixed, then you are well aware that it is time to change things! Where do you start? Yourself. You can use positive affirmations. Write them down on some index cards and carry them with you, put them beside your night stand, hang them above the kitchen sink, on the mirror in the bathroom and even stick them in your visor of your car! You can also change your thought pattern by replacing a negative thought with a positive one whenever they creep in. Once you become aware of your thoughts you will be amazed at how much negativity is hanging around up there having a pity party! Another method is going into a slight meditative state and re-programming your mind with positive beliefs and positive thoughts. Visualization is also very effective. You can visualize yourself with the desired outcome of resolving the issue at hand. Not fixing the person’s problem, but resolving the issue between yourself and the blamer. Hard feelings, how you will handle it, how you see them re-acting to you, etc.

Throughout our history, there have been many great, wise people from all walks of life that carry the same basic understanding: what we believe we will somehow create. This is so much more powerful and truthful than once thought! We truly are the creators of our life! The continual thoughts flowing through our minds is the projection of our soon to be reality! Regardless if the thoughts are positive or negative, what you think, you will create! James Allen once said, “The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” Maitri Upanishad says that everything that happens in our own world is a reflection of how we think. “One’s own thought is one’s world. What a person thinks is what he becomes.” We are powerful beings, waking up to the true potential of who we really are. Be aware of what thoughts you allow to stay in mind. Your future is being created by you and only you!

I remember reading a study a while ago. In this particular experiment, they had ten ‘average’ people dress the same and line up in front of a panel of convicted robbers. Five of these ‘average’ people had low self-esteem, had fears of being attacked by someone and no self-confidence. The other five ‘average’ people had high self-esteem, didn’t carry any thoughts of being attacked and were very confident. The panel of criminals knew none of this information. They were asked to pick three people they would choose to be their next victim by appearance only. Each criminal picked three out of the five low self-esteem category! Why am I telling you this? Your thoughts are energy. What you think is sent out. For these particular people, their thoughts are projecting I am a victim. The criminal picks up the signal and targets that person. Even though these thoughts were fearful and not something they wanted to happen, it happened because they were thinking it. They created it. Powerful! This is what I would classify as a fatal attraction! These attractions occur daily through this hidden language of energy/thought. Granted it goes both ways, negative creation and positive creation. We interact through our energetic body, the invisible field surrounding our physical body. Our thoughts make up a part of this energetic body.

If you have the desire to change your life, regardless of what condition you want to change, change your thoughts and your belief system. Thoughts and beliefs that we have about ourselves and the world alter our perception, our hope, our energy, our health, our mood, our actions, our relationships, our entire life! Thoughts are extremely powerful and creative. The example above was a negative one, now imagine how powerful you can be if you change your thoughts to positive ones. Attracting wealth, great health, vitality, love, positive relationships, the list is endless! It is yours to create as you are the creator, so start creating joy and the perfect life you have always wanted today!

What kind of thoughts are you allowing to create your life?

If you have any questions regarding this article or need some help via coaching/counseling please feel free to email me at lisa@infinitylighthealing.com

Lisa Whatley is an Indigo/Crystal Adult, single mother of four Indigo/Crystal Children, an Entrepreneur, Writer, an Energy Facilitator and Spiritual Coach. She has helped many people change their lives with the services she provides. She resides with her four children in Northern Ontario Canada. She can be reached through her personal website www.InfinityLightHealing.com

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The Everyday Sanyasin can make the entire world his monastery. Everything that’s happening in daily life can suddenly become part of your spiritual practice, as if you were in seclusion working with your beads, your images, and your mantras. How can we put these tools in our tool belt and make them work for us day to day, as in The Everyday Sanyasin?

Well, the first, and easiest, aspect is to remember that we are working at making the ideal of the image as intimately involved in who we are as possible. The way to make that part of your inventory of potential actions in life is, first of all, when you get up in the morning, take a few minutes. You don’t have to sit down and do 45 minutes or three hours worth of practice, but take a few minutes to focus on the image. Sing the song of praise or of connection that you like, that goes along with the image. Use the time to make an offering, to do whatever you can that aligns who you are with the qualities of the image, so that becomes the beginning of your day. You then begin your day with that as your organizing structure of perception.

It’s really important to do that at the beginning of your day, whenever your day starts whether you wake up at six in the morning, or you’re like me and wake up at ten in the morning. Whenever you awaken and begin to move about the cabin, so to speak, that’s the time to really start that resonation, because it sets the tone for the day. It’s also a grand idea to do that at the end of your day, even to the point that you might drop off to sleep singing the song or saying the mantra.

You could do it when you come home from work. That’s a great time to do it too, because you’re in a transition. The beauty of this is, as an Everyday Sanyasin, I’m using everything in my life. My world is my temple. I’m using the music that’s coming over the radio or that I’m listening to on the CD. I’m using the actions of the drivers on the drive home. I’m using all of these things as vehicles of opening, as Vehicles of Awakening. So if it means I’m singing, I get off work, I get in my car, and as I’m starting to drive home, I’m singing the song or a song, because it doesn’t have to be just one. It could be several songs that remind you of the divine quality that you want to bring out in yourself.

Yogi Sean is the student of Swami Ramananda and a principle officer of the Sadhana Society.

The old familiar adages just don’t do it for me any more. For instance, consider “the early bird gets the worm.” In this age of freelancing, premature ejaculation and peaking too early in one’s career (by age 24) a more appropriate adage might be “The early bird dies earlier.”

Another one that has been puzzling me lately is “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise.’ Sure it does if the woman is staying up late cleaning the house and taking care of the kids after working a full day at the office. Not only is the adage sexist but it also doesn’t make any sense. Most people who work these hours slave at low paying jobs with little chance at advancement. Shouldn’t it read, “Early to bed, early to rise, makes the corporation I slave for wealthy and wise?”

“The doors of wisdom are never shut.” This also should be revised to read, “The doors of a 24 hour Drug or Convenience Store are never shut.” It is more truthful.

Another migraine-maker is “You reap what you sow.” Now whether this is supposed to apply to gardening or whatever, we know this is not true. Many individuals slave for years on projects that don’t pay off, couples copulate to try and have babies with no result and people sow wheat all the time only to have it destroyed by frost or rainstorms. In these hard times, doesn’t a saying such as “You reap what is available” make much more sense?

Also problematic is the ultimate adage about being sweet — you “attract more flies with honey.” The trouble with this kind of “honey” is it also attracts other creatures such as raccoons, bears and others that would rape you of your charms. Also I am very suspicious of charming people. Often they want to borrow money from you or some other favour. I think it should be changed to “Beware those bearing gifts of honey, as they probably want bread.”

I also have a problem with “He who laughs last, laughs best.” I think that should be changed to “He who laughs last, laughs alone.” Nobody likes a joke at his or her expense.

A bird in the hand is definitely NOT worth two in the bush. A bird in the hand is worth about $2.99 a pound!

I also think “crime doesn’t pay” should be revised to read, “Crime does pay, especially if you are a politician.”

I would like to also suggest some new adages that are more appropriate for the 21st century:

“Lips that taste wine, shall never touch mine” should be changed to “Lips that taste wine shall never die from a heart attack.”

Longing for the pre-Plague era? How about: “Let’s put the promise back in promiscuity.”

How about “A Rolling Stone gathers no taxes, (especially if they relocate to Switzerland).”

“Do unto others as you would have them do onto you unless you are a sadist.”

“A Fool and his furniture are soon parted, especially if there is no downpayment for a year!”

After observing the neighbor across the way, I also came up “Fools who live in glass houses should not strut around naked in front of the window after a shower.”

“There’s no fool like an old fool” should be replaced with “age and treachery outwits beauty and youth every time.”

In these conscientious times, Make Love Not War’ would have to be changed to “Make Love Wearing the Appropriate Contraception not War.

I’ve always thought that saying “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread” makes more sense in reverse. “Angels rush in where even fools fear to tread…” I am thinking about firefighters, policeman, charitable workers, Greenpeace and other angels on earth.

One of the only adages that makes sense to me is the Chinese one “The Bigger The Front, the Bigger the back.” Think about it, it makes sense.

I am also fond of the old Jamaican adage “Cat Don’t Make No Dog.” Well unless you factor in bioengineering in which case it is possible that a cat can make a dog. After all “With God, Anything is Possible and that is What I Am Afraid Of.”

Samantha Steven’s articles have been published in many high-standing newspapers and she has published several books. If you wish to buy Samantha’s books about metaphysics click here
http://www.insomniacpress.com/author.php?id=110
You can meet Samantha Stevens at http://www.psychicrealm.com where she works as a professional psychic. You can also read more of her articles at http://www.newagenotebook.com

Direct Answers – Column for the week of April 19, 2004

I am currently involved in a wonderful year-long relationship with a man I’ve known for ten years. We dated briefly all those years ago, but I wound up marrying someone else. To make a long story short, I should have listened to the fates back then.

Recently I was contacted by another man I dated briefly right after high school. Our relationship ended in a gross misunderstanding. I thought I was getting signals from him to get lost, so I did. I was very hurt, and I have thought about him many times over the years. I found out in a recent meeting that I got the wrong signals and he has always been in love with me.

During this meeting the chemistry was very strong, but I would do nothing to betray my current boyfriend. You should also know I moved several times during that time period, and I believe he was looking for me but could not find me.

My problem is making a decision. I’ve compared the two, and I keep coming up with a true feeling of torn. I’ve done the pros and cons paperwork only to find each has the same amount of qualities I love. If I let one go, I will most likely spend my life wondering. One is wine and roses, the other is picnics and wildflowers…and I like both.

Penelope

Penelope, in ancient Greece people listened to the fates by going to the temple of Apollo at Delphi, and asking the Delphic oracle for advice. The oracle would inhale the vapors from a cavern in the temple, enter a trance, then make a prophecy.

The most famous prophecy was to King Croesus, who asked if he should attack the Persians. The oracle ambiguously said, “If Croesus attacks the Persians, he will destroy a great empire.” Croesus thought this was favorable advice, but when he attacked, the great empire he destroyed was his own.

Last year some scientists published a paper suggesting the vapor in the cavern at Delphi was ethylene, a compound which produces the same effect as “huffing,” sniffing glue or paint thinner. In your case, we suspect the fates have been both speaking in riddles and sniffing glue.

Your feelings for neither man are strong enough that you could marry one without regret. Marry no one until you feel love without doubt.

Wayne & Tamara

Second Time Around

I am a 22-year-old female having a ridiculous problem getting over the fact my fiance was married before. We recently became engaged, and now the issue has become even more magnified for me. It upsets me to the point I’m afraid I might just tell him to forget the whole thing.

Aside from this, he is a really great guy and we get along terrifically. But I cannot get over the fact I am not the first person he’s felt this way about. It cheapens it for me. When I remember he has already spit out vows for someone else, has already had wedding night sex, has already gone on a honeymoon, I don’t feel special.

When we are at his mother’s apartment, which used to be his apartment with his wife, I get filled with anger and start being mean to him. This is totally unfair. Even typing this makes me feel like a jackass, but I seriously can’t help it.

Jackie

Jackie, a song made popular by Kathy Mattea says, “You’ve got to sing like you don’t need the money, Love like you’ll never get hurt. You’ve got to dance like nobody’s watching…” Everything, according to the song, must come straight from the heart without reservation.

You have a reservation about your fiance, and it is something he can never change. You are latching on to his past to stop something you don’t wish to occur. We would not dismiss your reservations. Neither should you.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.